It’s Not About Balance, It’s About Prioritization

I am often asked, “Ebony, how in the world do you do it all? What is the secret to work-life balance?” I am going to tell you the secret. Are you ready for it? The secret is, there is no secret. First of all, I don’t do it all; no one does. Secondly, there is no such thing as work-life balance. Balance is unrealistic. Prioritization is the key. You determine priorities for your life. You don’t balance your life. Balance means that everything gets equal time. It doesn’t. I thank Marcia for sharing that with me and giving me the revelation that I should stop trying to balance and just prioritize and reprioritize when the time calls for it. For career women, we have to be okay with knowing that every once in a while, something will go undone…we just have to make sure that it is not one of our top priorities.

There are days that my house looks like a hurricane went through it. My son has worn the wrong shoes to school, and my daughter has managed to wear one black and one blue sock (by mistake) to school. I’ve even managed to send the kids to school without a lunch once or twice. It really isn’t the end of the world. I promise, the school will feed them and if they do not, the kids will be okay for a few hours.

All that said, there are definitely a few tricks of the trade to prioritizing life—try these eight simple things to help prioritize it all:

Be Open with Your Bosses When you are at work, give it everything you have and then make sure if needs arise you talk to your boss. I know what you are thinking, “My boss won’t listen or help me.” Well, the reality is that some bosses personify the word boss spelled backward. They are just “double SOBs.” The good news is that they are the minority. Bosses really are just people. They don’t know what they don’t know. If you don’t tell them your needs, you never give them the opportunity to address your needs and show you that they are more than just a boss. They have family obligations, schedule challenges, and previously scheduled events also. Give them a chance to assist you. If your boss is never willing to assist you, it may be time to find a new boss.
Talk to Your Family Husbands, kids, parents, siblings, etc. don’t know what goes on at work. You have to tell them. If you need 20 minutes to decompress when you get home, let your spouse know. If you will be late on Tuesday nights, let the kids know in advance and prepare them for what the evening will look like. If you need to schedule siblings weekend on certain weekends because you work on others, let your siblings know. They don’t know what you don’t tell them.
Use One Calendar Whether you utilize Outlook, Google Calendars, a physical Happy Planner, or the old tried and true day planner; pick one calendar and utilize it for personal and professional events. Everything in one place makes it less complicated and easier to recognize conflicts so that you can address the issues ahead of time.
Consider Quality over Quantity We would all love to spend as much time as possible with the ones that we love. Quantity is great, but what kind of quality is it? Focus on the quality time. Do small things that your family will remember. They might not remember what you did every day if you were home every day by 3, but if you woke up an hour early just one day a month and made your famous chocolate chip pancakes and the entire family ate breakfast together before running out the door, they would remember. If you took dinner to your parents once a month, they’d look forward to it and remember. If you fixed your lamb chops for the spouse like only you can once or twice a quarter and ate by candlelight, they would remember. It’s not about quantity of time, it is about quality time.
Utilize and Be a Support System Do you have a support system? Most of us do, however, because we are used to running around with an ‘S’ on our chest, we try to do it all. Listen, Christian or not, I am sure you have probably heard of the Proverbs 31 woman. This woman was amazing…she did it all, or did she? Did you know she didn’t do it all alone? She had help. Check it out…she had help. I don’t care who it is in your life that you can trust to help you out—mother, sorority sister, the girl that started the job the same day you did and became your BFF, whomever. When they ask if they can help, let them. It’s okay if they grab washing powder for you while they are at Target. Next week when they are running around crazy, you can pick up their dry cleaning for them. Utilize your support system and be there as a support for someone else…the universe is watching.
If Your Job’s in the Way, Move It Seriously. Take a serious look at your job. Is it in the way? Do you work for one of those power-tripping bosses—really, not just one that made you mad last week because they held you accountable? Do you feel like you are never going to progress and you have been in the same role for 10 years? Do you hate what you do day in and day out? Then maybe your job is in the way and you need to start planning to move it. I know—easier said than done. I get it, but you can start looking for a new job. As my grandpa Charlie used to say, “You were looking for a job when you found that one.” Move the job out of the way if it really is an issue. Get a new one or start your own. You have choices.
Schedule Time for You Don’t forget yourself. You need time to rest and decompress. Schedule something just for you during the week. Take that hip hop class you always wanted to take, get a massage, go for a walk, meditate, knit, sew…whatever. Schedule something weekly for you…just you…you work hard girl, you deserve it.
Let Go of the Guilt Many career women deal with guilt that creeps up sometimes. It whispers in your ear when you miss an after-school activity, when you serve leftovers for dinner because you just don’t have the energy after a long day at work to cook, or when you have to get up an hour early to wash the school uniforms that you didn’t get to all weekend because you were catching up on a report for work. Let it go! You are not perfect…no one is. Don’t beat yourself up.

You can do it. Prioritize and reprioritize.