Ebony Stone – Who Even Is She Anyway?

Who Even Is She Anyway?

Yes, I know this title is not grammatically correct. That is one reason I remember it word for word.

A couple of years ago, I got the results of an employee survey of all of my direct and indirect reports (about a thousand people give or take) and I began to scour the comments. It’s just human nature to want to know what people are saying about you, so I searched my name. I was used to searching my name to find complements and examples of strong leadership (it was confirmation of a job well done). I periodically saw the opposite (you can’t please everyone). This time I found the same but also found this comment:

Ebony Stone – who even is she anyway…

The commenter went on to spout negativity about me and my leadership. Some of the statements made contained some truth but were taken completely out of context and other statements were just flat out untrue.

This comment replayed in my head for days – who even is she anyway? What did that mean and why was it ringing in my head so loudly? Why was I able to shake any other negative comment but this one I couldn’t shake…it was blaring in my mind?

I’d received these types of survey results for years and while most comments I received were positive, I was not a stranger to a negative comment. I realized this one was bothering me for one main reason. I’d worked hard to create the narrative I wanted people to tell about me. My professional reputation was one of my superpowers! It’s what I do and what I teach others to do so how had I missed someone? How did someone not know who I was, what I stood for, how I led when they were a part of an organization I led? The reason it stung was because of the message behind the message. I needed to reflect and evaluate my strategies for keeping my narrative fresh and positive. The reality was, they were right – while I’d worked hard to make sure I was leading from a place of service and authenticity, there were some personal things going on that were probably starting to bleed into how I showed up at work.

You are held accountable for how you show up. I wish the truth was that people try to give you the benefit of the doubt and give some grace when you are a little off from how you typically show up but that isn’t the case for most – maybe the closest to you will give you grace, but not most you encounter.

As you continue to ascend in your career, you reach a point where more eyes are on you than you realize; both directly and indirectly. When you can’t show up as your best self, consider if you need to show up at all. What do I mean by this? I mean sometimes you have to pause and it’s okay. Yesterday, I posted the following tips on my socials to help people when they can’t show up as their best selves:

Take a mental health day when you need one. If you have a migraine, you stay home to care for it. If you have a contagious cold or flu you stay home and care for yourself until you are no longer contagious and feel better. If you need a moment mentally and emotionally, take the day or two to care for yourself – that’s what PTO is for.
You should be coming back from, going on, or planning a vacation. Vacations are needed to recharge. What phase are you in – returning from, going on or planning. If neither, get to planning.
If it’s more serious, consult your benefits package and step away for an extended time. It is much better to utilize the benefits you’ve earned and keep your reputation intact than to keep pushing and risk blemishing that reputation. Believe me, you can’t hide – people are watching and notice.

You deserve to be great. You also deserve a break. Remember there is power in the pause.